We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
