Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize