just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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