Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
