I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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