He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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