i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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