Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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