I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
