Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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