I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Drake has all the answers
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
