theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
