were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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