My first STD was from a foam party
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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