Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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