he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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