You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
