This is not my ceiling
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
