hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There r osticjed everywhere
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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