i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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