He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we made out on top of his cat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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