Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
