Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize