Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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