i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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