maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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