Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if only i could text you this smell
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shitshow foam night was such a success
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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