It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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