My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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