toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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