Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do vagina's smell?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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