He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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