Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
