do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
