I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I party with great urgency now.
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