There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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