I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
