i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize