ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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