Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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