what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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