Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
