I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
