I bet he comes in French.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
