The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
