I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I died a long time ago.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
