i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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