im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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