used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
