We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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