She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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