a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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