who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
