I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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