does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
