I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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