Old men and throwing up are my life now.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
