May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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