oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
