he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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