There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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