If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and she was petting her beer can
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
