I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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