we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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