So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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