I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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