My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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