Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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