So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize