You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
