Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
