I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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