Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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