Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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