You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize