They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
