I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
