I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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