i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
