now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
